


Self Preservation | Self Destruction

by Trixxie_Shifter



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Deceit Sanders Angst, Deceit Sanders Needs a Hug, Good Deceit Sanders, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Sympathetic Deceit Sanders, The side isn't really a side, Unsympathetic Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, idk anymore, more of a shadow
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-17
Updated: 2020-06-25
Packaged: 2021-02-22 16:08:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 6,491
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22285477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trixxie_Shifter/pseuds/Trixxie_Shifter
Summary: When Deceit is done with being treated like a villain, he goes to the extremes to change himself to fit in with the 'light' sides. Now, he is Self Preservation, no longer Deceit, and the 'light' sides seem to like him, but not everything can last. Something is hiding in the shadows, manipulative and evil. Will it break Self Preservation before the others can save him, or will they help shelter Deceit from the Dark?(Note: I do not own any characters except Dolo, the rest belong to Thomas Sanders. The storyline is based on Shay_Nioum’s The Change Fan-fic, which I absolutely love. I thank them and apologize if I anger them for using their base storyline, but it’s such a good idea! As a side note, the fifth and sixth paragraphs are based on the chapter The Measure Of A Girl from the book The Bone Garden. You should read it.)
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil/Creativity | Roman/Logic | Logan/Morality | Patton/Deceit Sanders
Comments: 59
Kudos: 148





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [The Change](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20693636) by [Shay_Nioum](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shay_Nioum/pseuds/Shay_Nioum). 



> (Note: I do not own any characters except Dolo, the rest belong to Thomas Sanders. The storyline is based on Shay_Nioum’s The Change Fan-fic, which I absolutely love. I thank them and apologize if I anger them for using their base storyline, but it’s such a good idea! As a side note, the fifth and sixth paragraphs are based on the chapter The Measure Of A Girl from the book The Bone Garden. You should read it.)

Deceit was tired of it. Tired of the hate-filled glares pointed in his direction every time he was near one of the others. He was tired of the nasty comments about everything he did. Tired of being the  _ villain _ , the  _ bad guy _ to all the ‘light’ side’s stories. 

But they wouldn’t change their opinion about him, no matter what he said. He  _ was _ the ‘ _ snake-faced liar _ ’ after all.

He looked around his demolished room. Anything that could be related to a snake was destroyed, his room looking like a tornado had come through.

He then looked over to his bed, a simple white mattress on the floor. Well, it  _ was _ white until he had soaked with fake blood. It would look like a suicide attempt to anyone except Deceit himself. A side couldn’t die per se. As long as they had a will to live, they would regenerate. 

_ Not much to live for, though.  _ Deceit thought grimly.

For a moment Deceit pauses, thinking of Remus. _Would he miss me?_ Deceit wonders, but then dismisses the thought. Remus would only want him so he could play Remus’s twisted games, wich Deceit would _not_ be playing _any_ _longer_.

He looked down to his hands, now ungloved, one normal, the other with hints of scales on it. His Glorious,  _ disgusting _ scales. He adored them, yet despised them. They were the part of him he loved, yet learned to hate from all the snake based remarks he got. He then closed his eyes and did the one thing he was good at. Changing.

When he looked back at his hands, they were very different. Now both of his hands were scale-free. His clothes had changed from his usual formal outfit to pants the color of a fresh-baked cookie and a sweater that was yellow and bright. It had little sunflowers on it and his shoes had changed from black boots to bright yellow high tops. He was about to sink out to the ‘light’ sides common room, when he paused, thinking back on the moment when he realized he had to change.

_________________________________________

Alone in his room, Deceit watched tears splash into his lap. He told himself to stop, but the tears refused to obey and continued to stream down his cheeks and through his fingers held to his face.

For all the cruel things the ‘light’ sides had said to him (that he no doubt deserved), the last reminder, what he had been told before he ran to his room sobbing, was the one that hurt the most deeply: The thought that Deceit was unnecessary, something that can and should be disposed of as quickly as possible.

He then stood up, wiping the tears from his eyes and walking to the wall, where a small mirror hung. He looked at his horrendous face and let out a small smile. If they didn’t like him as he was, he would change. Besides, they wouldn’t miss Deceit when he was gone.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 2, yay!

It was warm.

That was the first thought Deceit had when he appeared in the ‘light’ side. The ‘dark’ side was usually cold and unwelcoming, and being cold-blooded didn’t help, so this was a pleasant surprise. When he opened his eyes, he found that he was at the top of a staircase. Behind him spread four doors, most likely the other side’s rooms. Down the stairs, some sort of book club seemed to be going on. Roman was loudly reading from a book he undoubtedly wrote himself, and the others sat listening, holding their own books in their laps. No one had seemed to notice that he was there so he just stood there, watching the situation that was so…so… friendly. Just friendly, no hatred, no offensive words, or scowls. Love and friendship seemed to glow from them and Deceit so wished that he could have been included in that. But then he remembered. Soon, he could.

Roman glanced over to Virgil who was sitting at the bottom of the stairs, and his gaze moved upward landing on Deceit.

Lingering like a villain in the background.

“Great googly moogly!” Roman exclaims, dramatically pointing towards Deceit and asking, “Who are you?!” 

Virgil whipped around, a startled look on his face, that soon morphed into a half-hearted snarl. Logan merely looked curious at the new side before them all as he tilted his head to the side in an effort to get a better look at him. Patton grinned at him, kindness in his eyes. Such opposite reactions to the glares he usually got.

Despite the seemingly friendly atmosphere still around the ‘light’ sides, Deceit took an instinctive step back, his fear clearly showing through his reaction.

Patton stepped forward, his hand slightly outstretched towards Deceit. 

“Wait!” He almost yells, then realizing he was so loud, quiets, “Wait. We didn’t mean to scare you. Are you a new side?” He couldn’t help but ask. It had been years since Royalty had split into Roman and Remus, and to have a new side appear so suddenly? Very strange. “What’s your name?”

A part of Patton wanted to go and give the scared side a great big hug, but a more fatherly part of him knew that it would have to wait, as he watched the other side nervously pick at the sleeve of his sweater.

The golden-brown eyes of the side darted quickly between Patton and the outstretched hand as if expecting it to hit him. He pushed up against the wall behind him, like a scared mouse not daring to move.

“It’s ok. You can come down. We’re not going to hurt you.” Patton says, not understanding why this side was so scared.

The side nervously stepped away from the wall towards the stairs but didn’t come down.

“I… I’m S-Self Preservation…” The side whispered, just loud enough for the others to hear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment, I'd love to hear your feedback!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And another one!

“Now forgive me if I’m wrong, but isn’t Deceit’s job to be partly self-preservation?” Logan asks, standing next to the couch.

Deceit Self Preservation ducks his head. He had come down from the stairs and was now seated on the couch, Patton sitting next to him but not to close so as not to again scare the side.

“He said that?” Self Preservation asks. Though it was difficult to act as if he hadn’t been Deceit before, he had to keep up the act.

“Yes. But I suppose he could have lied about that as well. It  _ does _ sound like him.” Logan concludes, looking at the still very nervous Self Preservation.

“I’m sorry he stole your title from you, Kiddo,” Patton says, reaching out but stopping, seeing him shrink back, “But could you tell us what happened to you? Where have you been if you aren’t new?”  _ Were you hurt? _ Patton thought though he didn’t dare voice it for the fear that that may make it true.

“I…” Why hadn’t he thought of a backstory? In his haste to leave he had completely forgotten. Should he say he was with the ‘dark’ sides? That might lead him right back to stage one. “I…”

“Kiddo,” Patton said, a serious expression on his face, “You don’t have to say a single word until you’re ready to say something.”

Patton looked at the proud look on Logan’s face and knew he had made the right decision, not forcing him to speak. That is until he looked back to Self Preservation and saw his face.

Tears.

“I-I’m sorry!” Self Preservation exclaimed, wiping his eyes. “I-It’s been a while, and… I’ve never felt like this before. I-I don’t really know what to do.” He wasn’t lying, the emotions welling up in his throat were things that he had never permitted himself to ever feel.

Patton couldn’t help but to worriedly look back at Self Preservation. He wasn’t entirely sure as to what the poor side had gone through, but whatever it was he had clearly been neglected of love and basic bodily contact with other people to the point he was scared of it. He knew Deceit that was obvious enough, but who else did he know? Had he met Remus? Regardless of the answer, he wanted so very badly to hug the weeping side in front of him.

“Why don’t you go make him a room, Ro,” Patton suggested to Roman, who perked up at the idea. “I’m sure he would feel safer knowing that he has a place to stay.”

“Got it, Padre.” Roman says, then holding out a hand to Self Preservation, “Come with me, and I shall make you the greatest room ever known!”

Self Preservation stood up on his own, not taking Roman’s hand but walked beside him to the hallway. His door was already there, a plain white door with sunflowers painted on it. In the center were his initials.

_ S.P. _

“Just head on in and  _ have your wildest dreams come true! _ ” Roman proclaims, singing the last part as if from the song  _ Friends On The Other Side _ from  _ The Princess And The Frog _ . Roman opened the door to show an empty white room. “It may look like nothing now, but your mind can change it to look exactly the way you wish.”

“Th-thank you.” Self Preservation stuttered, closing the door and staring at the empty room. This would need some work.


	4. Chapter 4

Virgil didn’t quite know what to think of the new side.

When they had appeared behind him he had instantly felt threatened but then seeing that he was so frightened, well… he was upset that he had jumped to conclusions. Despite that, he still wasn’t sure if they could be trusted. Yeah, Self Preservation’s story made sense, but there was still  _ so much _ they didn’t know.

Patton and Logan were currently arguing on if they should have a sauce with the spaghetti, a go-to meal for when a new side appeared.

“I’ll just make it, what’s the worst that could happen?” Patton says, beginning to take out ingredients.

“Many things, Patton. What if they have an allergy to something in it?” Logan began to list of horrible things that could happen if the side was allergic to one of the many ingredients in Patton’s food.

“Whoa Logan, calm down.” Virgil interrupted, “Just make a sauce on the side and he can have it if he wants it. Besides, don’t most people with allergies ask what’s in it first?”

“True.” Logan sighs, “I guess it’s just been so long since a new side appeared that I am just very… stressed.”

“Hi Very Stressed, I’m Patton,” Patton said giggling, and Logan rolled his eyes

“On that subject, do you guys think that Self Preservation is…” Virgil tries to think of the word “… trustworthy?”

“Oh kiddo,” Patton says, turning to Virgil, “It’s okay if you don’t trust him yet. He’s someone you’re not used to, and it can take some time to trust him. Until then, you don’t have to talk or even interact with him. To be honest…” For a moment the fatherly side stopped, a look of sadness growing on his face. “I think that it might take him a while to get used to everything, I… just the way he responded to being told he didn’t have to do something.. he.. he…” Patton’s bottom lip trembled, and Virgil felt the tears coming before he even saw them. 

Of course, Virgil was upset about how Self Preservation had responded. Even he had accepted Patton’s kindness, and he never cried from just being given the most basic amount of respect… the entire thing had worried Virgil as well, because whatever it was… and whatever had happened… he got the feeling that the truth was excruciatingly painful at the very least.

“Well.” Virgil said as Logan comforted Patton, “I’ll leave you two to cook.”


	5. Chapter 5

Meanwhile, Self Preservation had no idea what to do.

After entering his new room it had instantly changed to look like his old one, and he freaked out and wiped it clean. He so wanted to be exactly like his old room, concrete walls, concrete floor, matres on the floor, and memories scattered all around. But he couldn’t. It would instantly give away who he was. So Self Preservation tried something different. He gave his room the concrete walls, floor, and ceiling, leaving a mattress in the corner but nothing else to show that it was his. 

There. Exactly what he _deserved_.

All ‘dark’ side rooms began like this, and you could make things and add memories but otherwise, it was barren, seeing as ‘dark’ sides couldn’t summon (The only reason Remus was able to in the most recent video was because he was in close enough proximity with his brother, otherwise Remus would have likely gotten him out of the way, not wanting to even look at him). This could add to his story. He had appeared and been locked with the ‘dark’ sides. Virgil knew how the ‘dark’ side’s rooms looked, so he wouldn’t be too suspicious.

“Self Preservation!” He heard Patton call from downstairs, and almost jumped out of his skin, “Do you want to come and eat with us?!”

 _What? They just met me, hardly know anything about me, and are inviting me to dinner?!_ Self Preservation thought, confused. He thought about refusing, but his stomach rumbled. He hadn’t been able to sneak out to take some food from the ‘Light’ side’s kitchen for two days and was very hungry. Seeing as the ‘dark’ sides could not summon, they often went hungry for multiple days in a row. 

_Oh well_ , Self Preservation thought, _Make it through this and at least you won’t be hungry._

“Coming!” Self Preservation called, checking over his room to make sure it was alright before heading downstairs. As he left he failed to notice that his door had gone from colorful to plain white, with a multitude of locks on the door, and a ring of keys on his bed.

As Self Preservation walked downstairs, he saw that Roman was already sitting at the table, about to scoop himself some food when Patton stops his hand, saying, “No! You have to wait for everyone to join before you can eat. Otherwise, it’s not FamILY time.”

Self Preservation was momentarily puzzled that Patton had said ‘fam I L Y’ until he remembered that I.L.Y. stood for ‘ **I L** ove **Y** ou’ in Patton’s mind. _How silly_ , he thought.

Just then logan and Virgil come down from upstairs. Virgil brushed past Self Preservation, who shrunk back to let him by, but Logan stopped to speak with him for a moment.

“Self Preservation, I am not asking you to tell us your name, but do you have a nickname we could use?” Logan asks, “ _Self Preservation_ is… quite long.”

“Um…” Self Preservation mumbles, “You can just call me S.P. then.”

“S.P. it is,” Logan says, then holding out a hand to S.P. “Come along.”

S.P. loosely grabbed Logan’s hand and walked over to the table, sitting in between him and Patton, those he felt most comfortable around. Patton seemed to see this as an achievement and grinned to S.P. who gave a small smile back. 

They all began to eat, Roman going on and on about something that S.P. paid no attention to. S.P. tried not to eat too fast so as not to worry the fatherly figure but ended up almost inhaling it.

“Whoa, Kiddo!” Patton exclaimed, “Don’t eat too fast or you’ll get a stomach ache.”

“Sorry…” S.P. says, then mumbling something only he could hear.

 _I haven’t eaten in a few days so I’m sorry, but I’m hungry._ He was also glad his sweater hid how skinny he was. He didn’t want them to worry.

“What was that Kiddo?” Patton asked politely.

“Nothing…” S.P. said, ducking down further.

“Ok…” Patton says, dropping the subject, but watching the side closely.

As soon as they were done, S.P. muttered a quick ‘goodbye’ and rushed to his room, finding the keys on the mattress and locking the door.

Everyone noticed that S.P. hadn’t eaten anything after Patton asked him to slow down.


	6. Chapter 6

_ Stupid, stupid, stupid! _ S.P. thought to himself, sitting on his bed, head in his hands.  _ I shouldn’t have run away. Now they’ll think something’s wrong. _

He laid there, staring at the ceiling for who knows how long before he heard talking outside his door. He quietly walked over, listening in on the conversation.

“I don’t know,” Said a voice that seemed to be Roman’s, “I haven’t seen the inside of his room, and I don’t think he’d like to show us around.”

“Well then we’ll just give him a tour, and he can show us when he’s ready,” Patton’s voice says, and then S.P. hears a small knock.

He unlocks the door as quietly as possible and cracks it open a bit, peaking out but making sure no one can see in.

“Hello?” He asks, pretending to have not heard their earlier conversation.

“Hey, kiddo!” Patton says, cheerfully, Roman standing next to him, “We were wondering if you’d like a tour. You already know where some things are, but this way you won’t get lost.”

S.P. pauses, pretending to be thinking although he already knows his choice, before saying, “Okay.”

“Great!” Patton exclaims. In his excitement, he grabs S.P.’s hand, pulling him down the hallway. S.P. has just enough time to close his door before he’s pulled down the hall for the tour.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, It's short, I kind of just worked my head off to get all these chapters out at once. Also, if you guys have any ideas for how the story should go, please tell me! I might not listen to all of them, but it's great to have help.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here comes the angst! Be prepared, and stay safe! No hurting yourself! Got it? Enjoy the chapter!

S.P. collapses on his bed, arms spread out wide, and sighs.

Patton and Roman had given him a ‘grand tour’ and he was  _ exhausted _ .

They had pulled him every which way to show him where everything was before they had ‘famILY time’. Supposedly, every night the ‘light’ sides would watch a movie or play a game together. S.P. had opted to skip the event and headed to his room, mumbling some excuse about being tired.

S.P. began to think. What would happen if the others knew he had been Deceit? They’d kick him to the curb for sure, yelling at him for deceiving them. 

_ “But you deserve it, don’t you?”  _ Said a voice.

S.P. shot up in surprise, then noticing a body-length mirror on the wall to the side of him.

_ “Took you long enough to notice me,”  _ said his reflection, seeming to lean against the rim of the glass as if he weren’t merely a reflection.

_ And he probably isn’t! _ S.P. realized. Seeing as the room would appear to fit the owner, it would be the rooms doing, sending him what he needed.

_“Wow, you’re a fast learner_ ,” said his reflection, sounding not at all impressed, “ _Yes, I know what you’re thinking. We_ are _the same person,_ aren’t we _?”_

“Wh-what do you want?” S.P. asked, unsure what to do.

_ “Oh, I simply want to be your  _ companion _ ,”  _ His reflection said, _ “ _ Help _ you in whatever way I can.” _

“Well, you can help me by leaving.” S.P. snapped.

_ “Oh,  _ sorry _ , can’t get rid of me that easily,”  _ S.P.’s reflection smirked, not at all apologetic.

S.P. sighed, “Well… if you’ll be staying here, at least let me know what to call you. ‘ _ Reflection’ _ doesn’t really work.”

_ “Oh! Well, you can call me…”  _ his reflection seemed to ponder the thought for a moment, “ _ How about  _ Dolo.  _ I mean, dolo is the Latin word for Deceit, which is the language  _ your _ name originated from, so why not?”  _ Dolo then proceeded to transform into his true form, a pitch-black human-like shape with glowing yellow eyes.

“My name isn’t Deceit!” S.P. yelled, then slapped his hand over his mouth.  _ What if the others hear! They’ll ask questions and I can’t let them know! _

_ “ _ No _ , you  _ can’t _ let them know,”  _ Dolo said _ , “then they’ll  _ yell _ at you and  _ hurt _ you. But, as I said, you  _ deserve _ it. You are simply a shifty snake wearing another’s skin. You  _ deserve _ to hurt, and if you don’t want  _ them _ to hurt you, hurt  _ yourself _.” _

Dolo then pulls something out of his where his pocket would be and tosses it through the mirror to the ground in front of S.P.

_ A knife. _

S.P. jumps back, looking at Dolo with fear.

“No! No, I won’t!” S.P. yells, already knowing what Dolo intended for him to do.

“ _ Oh,  _ come on _ ,”  _ Dolo looks to S.P., “ _ It’ll  _ help _. Then you’ll get what you  _ deserve _ …” _

Dolo then sunk back into the mirror, fading into a wisp of smoke, and S.P. was alone with his thoughts.

S.P. grabbed the knife and put it in a locked box that appeared by his bed, locking it and hiding the keys under his mattress.

_ Maybe I do deserve it… _ S.P. thought as he laid on his bed and fell asleep, his dreams filled with pain and blood.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even more angst, sorry. Stay safe everyone. If you are self-harming, please, please talk to someone and get help! You deserve to live!

When S.P. awoke, he quickly got up and straightened out his outfit, having slept in it. Maybe he should wear something else… he changes his yellow sweater into a yellow and white striped button-up shirt, making sure it wasn’t too tight so as to hide the fact that his ribs where showing. That’s better.

Suddenly, he hears a knock on his door.

“H-hello?” He calls, wondering who would want to talk to him this morning.

“Hello!” responds Patton’s voice on the other side, “I was wondering if you wanted to join us for breakfast. If you don’t want to, I can just leave it at your door.”

_ Did _ S.P. want to join them? They might be less suspicious if he joins them, but what if he messes up and says something that gives him away?

It would be best to stay here and gather himself before heading out.

“Can you just leave it at the door?” S.P. asks, and he can almost  _ feel _ Patton’s disappointment.  _ Shit. _

“Oh, okay kiddo, I’ll go get it and leave it here.” S.P. hears Patton’s footsteps walk away and come back a minute later, setting the plate down.

“You can come down and hang out with us whenever you’re ready,” Patton says before turning and leaving.

After S.P. was sure Patton had left, he opened his door, grabbed the plate of food, and brought it into his room. Patton had made toast and eggs, having cut out the toast slices into flower shapes.

As S.P. sat down on his bed to eat, he asked himself,  _ Could I  _ really _ be Patton’s kiddo? _

“ _ No, of course not. At least, not if they find out who you were,” _ Said Dolo, having chosen  _ that exact moment _ to appear and give his input,  _ “Then Patton and the others would take back every nice thing they’ve ever said about you. You’ve deceived them  _ again _.” _

S.P. tried to deny it, but he knew it was true. They wouldn’t like him. Not the  _ real _ him, anyway.

_ “Sure, you  _ could _ ‘hang out’ with them. You might feel accepted for a little while, but they’ll find out eventually. You’ll get yelled at and hurt. It was a mistake,  _ you _ are a mistake. People get  _ punished _ for mistakes.  _ Mistakes _ are  _ erased. _ ” _

Dolo then sunk away into the mirror, leaving S.P. alone.

S.P. looked to his locked box. Maybe he  _ should _ hurt himself. Dolo really  _ was _ part of S.P., in a way, so if he thought S.P. should, he was probably right.

S.P. opened the box and took out the knife, finally getting a good look at it. It had a simple wooden handle, but the blade looked like it could cut paper.

S.P. pulled up his sleeve and brought the knife to his arm. Just one cut, what harm could it do? If the others saw it he could play it off as an accident or something. He brought the knife down on his arm and gave himself a small cut. He winced at the pain and quickly put the knife down. A first aid kit appeared in his room and he quickly cleaned the cut and bandaged it. There, like it never happened.

But it did. He had done this to  _ himself _ . 

S.P. put the knife back in the locked box, not bothering to clean it. He’d likely never use it again.

Or so he thought.


	9. Chapter 9

Patton looked up from his seat at the kitchen table to stare up the stairs. He had really hoped that S.P. would want to join them for breakfast and was upset that he had declined.

Roman, sensing Patton’s sadness, turned to him, “Hey Patton, why don’t we make something for S.P. to help him feel welcome! Then he might feel more comfortable around us.”

Patton lights up at the idea, “That’s a great idea Roman! Logan, Virgil, would you like to join us?”

Logan looked up from the book he was reading, which he had refused to put down as he ate, “I see no harm in it. What about you Virgil?”

Virgil just shrugs, saying, “Sure, whatever.”

“Yay!” exclaims Patton, and after they finish eating he pulls them all to the kitchen.

“Cookie time!” Patton shouts cheerfully.

They get to work, and if Roman  _ accidentally _ spilled flour on them all, then that was fine.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Long one this time, couldn't find a place to stop. Hope you like! Comments are always welcome! ANd stay safe, I don't wanna lose you guys.

S.P. heard whispering outside his door.

“You knock!” Roman’s voice whispered. Well, at least it was an _attempt_ at a whisper. It was more like a shout, but that’s Roman for you.

A knock sounded at his door.

“Hello?” S.P. called, “Who is it?”

“It’s Patton, Roman, Logan, and Virgil! We made you a gift!” Patton calls through the door.

S.P. quickly unlocks and cracks open the door. He peers out into the hallway, seeing the ‘light’ sides standing there, Patton with a plate of cookies.

Patton holds the cookies out to S.P., saying, “We thought you would feel more welcome if we made you a gift, so we all baked you cookies!”

“Th-thank you!” S.P. responds, not missing Roman’s attempt to peek into S.P.’s room as S.P. slips into the hallway.

After closer inspection, S.P. realizes that the cookies are frosted to look like each of the ‘light’ sides logos, twelve cookies in total. He realizes at that moment that he himself didn’t _have_ a logo. He would have to work on that.

“This is really nice of you, but you really didn’t have to,” S.P. says, “You worked so hard on these… would you… like to share?” S.P. looks questioningly at the others and sees their faces light up at the kind gesture. 

S.P. internally fist pumps. _Progress!_

“Well only if you want to kiddo. We made them for _you_ after all,” Patton responds, and the others nod in agreement.

“I’d be glad to share,” S.P. says, and they all head downstairs.

Patton grabs four more plates and they divide the cookies between them, four for S.P., two for the others. Patton claims that since it’s a special occasion, this is lunch for the day. They sit on the couch and Roman puts in the movie Frozen for them to watch. While the others sit together, S.P. corners himself off at one end of the couch throughout the entire movie. When it’s over he quickly excuses himself, choosing to go to his room and contemplate what his logo should be. He’d need a new one if he wanted to be a _real_ side, though he didn’t know why. It was simply a known fact, that every side had a logo.

When he entered his room, Dolo instantly appeared, greeting him with a _“Hello,_ Deceit _”_

“My _name_ is _not_ Deceit,” S.P. responds, “At least, not anymore. So you can just… just… _shut up_!”

“ _Oh, so he’s got a_ temper _now. All I wanted to do was come congratulate you on following my advice._ ” He gestures to the locked box and S.P. stiffens up.

“I-It was only one time, I won’t do it again,” S.P. quickly says.

 _“Just keep lying to yourself… I don’t mind,”_ And with that, Dolo disappeared.

S.P. begins to think to himself, _would_ he do it again? _It… helped, didn’t it, punishing myself. Maybe I should…_

S.P. looked over his shoulder at the box, about to reach for it when suddenly a knock sounded at his door and his head snapped towards the direction of the noise.

“Hey… uh… S.P.?” Virgil’s voice floated under the door, “I was wondering if you… uh… wanted to hang out? You seemed really nervous and scared earlier and… I know how you feel. I was really afraid the others would dislike me when I first came, and some of them did, but then they learned how important I was and now there’s nothing for me to fear. We can talk or…?”

S.P. thinks about it. _Virgil would be the first person to realize I was Deceit, but if I say no he may get suspicious…_

“O-okay,” S.P. finally responds, unlocking his door and cracking it open.

Virgil is standing there, hands in his hoodie pockets. S.P. slips out, careful to not let Virgil see in his room. He’s not quite ready for that yet.

“W-what do you want to do?” S.P. asks, looking around and noticing that there are lights under Patton, Logan, and Roman’s doors, so they must be in their rooms.

“Um… it’s probably not best to hang out in my room, so do you want to do some crafts?” Virgil asked, “Patton always liked to do those with me and it’s really fun.”

“Uh, sure,” S.P. says, and they head down to the dining room.

Virgil sets out some random craft supplies and tells S.P. to ‘just go for it’. S.P. grabs a piece of paper and some watercolors and begins painting, not really paying attention to what he’s making, more intent on what Virgil is saying. He’s telling S.P. how the other ‘light’ sides came to Virgil’s room to get him to come out when he ‘ducked out’. How they had had movie nights with him, and on the anniversary of his name reveal they marathoned Tim Burton movies with him, such as _A Nightmare Before Christmas_ and _Beetlejuice_.

When S.P. looked back down at his art, he was startled at what he had made. It was a perfect replica of the mirror in his room, complete with its very own shadowy figure, pitch black with glowing yellow eyes.

Virgil looked from his bundle of cut-up paper he was making to S.P.’s art and sucked in his breath. What the hell?

Virgil voices his question, asking, “What’s that?” As politely as possible.

“Oh, it’s no one,” S.P. said quickly, only realizing his mistake after he had spoken.

Virgil had asked _what_ it was, not _who_ it was. Now Virgil would know it was a person and that S.P. was lying.

“Uh, what are you making?” S.P. asked, quick to change the subject, though he knew Virgil was still suspicious.

“Well, I’m making a bunch of confetti so that I can throw it on Roman.” Virgil responded, going with the change of subject, “I’m still wondering if I should add some glue so it sticks.”

S.P. couldn’t hold in his giggles, and, still laughing, he responds with, “You should _definitely_ do that!”

“Glad you think so,” Virgil said, glad to see the other side smiling. S.P. was really growing on him, but he was still worried. That image was… disturbing, to say the least. “Do you wanna help me? We can add _glitter_.”

“Yeah!” S.P. exclaims, grabbing a large bowl and putting glitter and the cut-up paper in it with Virgil’s help. Virgil was really nice once you got past the whole ‘emo nightmare’ part.

They then add some foam pieces to the concoction and mix some glue and water into it. Suddenly, a noise sounds from Roman’s room, and Virgil puts a finger to his lips, urging S.P. to be quiet. He sneaks to hide behind a potted plant, and when Roman comes down, waving to S.P. fancifully, Virgil jumps out, throwing the contents of the bowl onto Roman.

“What, in the name of all things Disney, was _that_ for!” Roman exclaims, now covered in the colorful mess of glitter and paper, S.P. and Virgil laughing hysterically.

“This,” Virgil says when he finally calmed down, “Is payback for changing my playlist to Nyan cat theme last week.”

S.P. had calmed down as well, having rolled up the now dry painting he made and put it in his pocket, he began cleaning up the table with Virgil’s help, Roman heading to the bathroom to shower, grumbling something about ‘crazy emo nightmare’.

Patton and Logan come down shortly after, and when Roman got out of the shower he complained to Patton about Virgil’s ‘atrocious behavior’, to which Patton responds, “Well you shouldn’t have pranked him last week, Roman.”

Virgil high-fives S.P. and suddenly Roman turns to them.

“You helped him, _didn’t you_ ?” Roman asks, Pointing a finger at S.P., who shrinks back, afraid a response would spark Roman’s anger. He knew from Remus that angering a creative side could result in… _painful_ results, to say the least. He had been very careful around Remus, but still had scars from him.

Virgil breaks in, saying, “We were just doing some crafts, no need to get so worked up Princey.”

Virgil had moved in front of S.P. defensively while saying this, and Roman realized just how silly his level of anger was.

“I am very sorry,” Roman says, looking apologetic, “I didn’t think before I reacted. It really _was_ a well-planned prank.”

“I-It’s okay,” S.P. squeaks out, calming down a bit, reminding himself that as long as he stayed S.P., Roman, would not hurt him. _But would he if he changed back…?_

They began to chat and soon Patton had finished making dinner and they sat down to eat. Patton had made meatloaf and everyone dug in, Patton making a bunch of dad jokes throughout the entire meal. S.P. tried to remain straight-faced, but he finally fell into a fit of giggles, Patton smiling in triumph. Halfway through the meal, though, Logan paused, his fork halfway to his mouth. He put the fork down and addressed the group.

“I apologize for not bringing this to your attention beforehand, but with S.P.’s sudden appearance I have been distracted,” Logan begins, “Thomas will be recording a new video tomorrow, so S.P. may be introduced.”

S.P. shrinks back in his seat, unsure of the whole “meeting Thomas as S.P.” thing.

“You don’t have to meet him kiddo!” Patton exclaims, “We can talk to him and you can see him next time. Or the time after that.”

“N-No, I’ll talk to him,” S.P. decides, trying to pull up some courage, “I mean, it might b-be best for him to know if there’s a new side?”

“If you are sure,” Logan responds, “Then we will inform Thomas that there is a new side, and then you can rise up.”

“Wait, do you know how to rise up?” Patton asks, “I don’t think I’ve seen you rise up anywhere.”

“I know how to!” S.P. says quickly. He didn’t want them to think of him as stupid if he didn’t know how to rise up. He could… It was uncomfortable, but he could. He preferred… “ _appearing_ ” as Virgil would, suddenly, _showing up_. But that would be irregular and weird. They would make fun of him for it.

“Got it, Kiddo,” Patton says, and the dinner falls back into a normal conversation.

When dinner was over, S.P. headed back to his room in a fairly good mood. The day had gone decent, that was until Dolo started talking. 

“ _Oh how_ fun,” Dolo says, “ _I can imagine it now. Meeting Thomas, and he sees_ right through you. _He’s your host, he’ll know who you are right away and then,_ oh my _! Everyone_ hates _you again. Now, won’t that be fun?_ ”

“Sh-Shut up!” S.P. exclaims, “I-I’m sure it’ll be fine.”

“ _I’m you,_ darling _, I can see right through that lie_ ,” Dolo responds, “ _You shouldn’t lie to me. Those who lie get_ punished _, Remember?_ ”

“B-But I have to lie!” S.P. exclaims, looking over to the locked box, then back to Dolo, “Otherwise they’ll figure me out.”

“ _Oh yes, and that would be_ so horrible _, wouldn’t it,_ ” Dolo responded mockingly, watching as S.P. lowered his head in defeat at his next words, “ _I_ guess _in order to keep your secret you’ll just have to_ _deal with the punishment,_ won’t you?”

“I-I suppose so…” S.P. responds, not bothering to see if Dolo left before picking up the box and opening it.

The knife’s blade still had some dried blood on it, witch S.P. quickly cleaned off, not wanting to give himself an infection or something. He pulled up his left sleeve, the same arm as he had cut before, and inspected the old cut. It was small, hardly noticeable. He brought the blade to his arm and quickly made another cut right next to the first one. It was larger than the other one and seemed to be deeper. He cut another, and another, and by the time he was done he had four fresh cuts that he promptly cleaned and bandaged.

He looked to where Dolo had stood, and saw that he had left. He cleaned the blade and put it away, moving to lay on his back on his bed.

He had to much hope that this would work, blindly leaping into a new skin to fit in. Dolo was right. He’d have to accept punishment in order to keep hidden.

Sleep took way to long to come, and his dreams were filled with shadows and a watercolor paper, left crumpled and forgotten in his pocket.


	11. Author's Note!

I'm sorry for this, and though I have gotten great support, I can't muster up the motivation to finish this story right now.

I may end up finishing it at a later date, but until, I will be unable to finish.

If you wish to add on to the story, or make your own rest of it, that is fine, just credit me.

Sorry, thank you for understanding.


	12. Author's Note!

I'm sorry for this, and though I have gotten great support, I can't muster up the motivation to finish this story right now.

I may end up finishing it at a later date, but until, I will be unable to finish.

If you wish to add on to the story, or make your own rest of it, that is fine, just credit me.

Sorry, thank you for understanding.

**Author's Note:**

> Please comment, I'd love to hear your input.


End file.
